Better Love Stories Than Twilight

As a fanatic of good books, movies, T.V. shows, video games, and more, I sometimes come across comparisons that truly irk me.  For example, I hate when people tell me to read "x" book because other Harry Potter fans liked it.  Last I checked, Harry Potter was a completely different entity, like the God of book series.  Or Jesus, since Harry is practically Jesus Christ in quite obvious ways.

But I digress.

This post is not about Harry Potter, which is a little sad because I do love the series so much that I'd marry it if I could.

I must research how legal this actually is...

No, this is a response to a comparison that I heard a few days ago:  Twilight is the best love story ever.

...Dear, sweet Sondhiem, it pained me to even type such a lie.  Quite simply, Twilight is not and never will be the greatest love story in the world.  For those of you fortunate enough to live under a rock and not know what Twilight is, it is a book about this girl named Mary Sue--I mean, Bella Swan--who, through a random and pointlessly long (four books long, to be precise) series of events must deal with lust--I mean, love--and trying to become a vampire, all while her childhood werewolf buddy tries to win her heart.

And she has this facial expression the entire time.

Okay.  As far as love stories go...this is just stupid.  I don't know who would fall for someone who is as much of a boring Mary Sue character as Bella.  For a brief moment, I actually found myself rooting for her to end up with Jacob.  He, at least, has a forced sense of humor that might've balanced Bella's blandness in some way, unlike Edward, who just...stalked her.

Stockholm Syndrome with a vampire is no laughing matter, Bella.

Besides being the mysterious vampire guy that Bella falls for due to <sarcasm>what must be her womanly desire to change him like a science project</end sarcasm>, Edward has nothing going for him.  Oh, no, wait! He's shiny.

I'm sorry, but unless glittering in the sunlight is a strange type of vampire herpes, VAMPIRES DO NOT SPARKLE.

Oh good God man, run!  IT'S CONTAGIOUS!!

Today, I declare myself to be the Media Romantic.  My job is to show you a few of the love stories from my memory that are better than Twilight.  Let's start with...

Captain Jack Sparrow and Rum from Pirates of the Carribean

Quote:

Jack Sparrow:  Why is the rum gone?!

Captain Jack loves this alcoholic beverage.  It has done so many things for him.  He's used it to drown sorrows, to become happy, and he even used rum to write his own song!  Rum has been good to Captain Jack Sparrow, and his love of it spans across his four movie long series, too.

Alcoholism:  Still a better love story than Twilight.

Carl and Ellie from Up

Quote:

Carl and Ellie:  ....

Four and a half minutes.  If you don't know this movie at all, just take that time to watch this adorable (yet seriously depressing) clip.  That explains it all.

Carl and Ellie tell their love story without dialogue in 4 and a half minutes, while it took Twilight four books to tell a crappy one.  Conclusion?  The beginning of Up is still a better love story than Twilight.

Narcissus and Himself from...mythology...

Quote:

Hermes: Fabulous party. You know, I haven't seen this much love in a room since Narcissus discovered himself.

Again, this is pretty self-explanatory.  Narcissism:  still a better love story than Twilight.

Peeta and Bread from The Hunger Games

Quote:

I don't need a quote here.  Just look at the picture!

Let's put it this way.  If Peeta had heard Aladdin say, "All this for a loaf of bread?" the response from Peeta would have been "Bread is everything, you rat bastard."  Peeta and bread:  the perfect romance that rises (haha, rises, get it?) over the Twilight Saga any day.

Pikachu and Ketchup from Pokemon

Quote:

Pikachu:  PIKA PI PIKA PI PIKA PIKA PIKAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

If we translate this quote, we'd learn from Pikachu that ketchup is the best condiment in the world.  Pikachu cannot sing the praises of ketchup enough.  This is why he is brought to a river of tears when Scyther, a Pokemon that doesn't like the color red, slashes the throat of the ketchup bottle.  Poor Pikachu...it must suck for a little critter used for Japanese dog fighting to watch its love be destroyed in such a horrible way.  Never the less, Pikachu will always have a spot in his heart for his ketchup, making this love story so much better than Twilight.

Ron and Food from A Very Potter Musical (and Harry Potter in general)

Quote:

Ron:  You guys, go barricade the door. Cho, you see if Neville's dead. You guys go get snacks... Aw, sh*t, we barricaded to door. I will... I will quit.

Once, my sister and I watched the entirety of this musical and made a list of all the snacks Ron eats in this musical.  The list includes:  Chinese food, Funyons, sour gummy worms, double stuff oreos, Reese's Pieces, Butterbeer, a giant chocolate bar (see above photo), Twizzlers, powdered donuts, and, in the sequel, Redvines.  Ron has an obsession with food, and still, his habit of drowning his sorrows in unnecessary calories is still a better love story than Twilight.

Roy Mustang and Dogs from Fullmetal Alchemist

Quote:

Roy Mustang:  Dogs embody loyalty! They follow their master's commands above all else! Be a jerk to them and they don't complain and they never once beg for a paycheck! Trust me, Fuery, they're the great servants of man! (sings) LOYAL CANINE, HOW WE SALUTE THEE!

This is a love story that rivals Roy's love for mini-skirts.  Either of these love stories are better than Twilight.

Sokka and his Boomerang from Avatar: The Last Airbender

Quote:

Sokka:  Boomerang!  You do always come back!

Look at it.  Look.  At.  It.  IT'S SO CUTE!!  This is the weapon Sokka depends on through the entire series.  This is the ultimate love story.  Ultimate.

So screw Twilight.  It has nothing on these classic love stories.